I am seeking both a mentee to mentor and(function executeRule(current, previous /*null when async*/) {
var regex = /(!joke)/gmi;
if (regex.test(current.text)) {
var jokes = [
{
"joke": "What did the fish say when it hit the wall?",
"punchline": "Dam."
}, {
"joke": "How do you make a tissue dance?",
"punchline": "You put a little boogie on it."
}, {
"joke": "What's Forrest Gump's password?",
"punchline": "1Forrest1"
}, {
"joke": "What do you call a belt made out of watches?",
"punchline": "A waist of time."
}, {
"joke": "Why can't bicycles stand on their own?",
"punchline": "They are two tired"
}, {
"joke": "How does a train eat?",
"punchline": "It goes chew, chew"
}, {
"joke": "What do you call a singing Laptop",
"punchline": "A Dell"
}, {
"joke": "How many lips does a flower have?",
"punchline": "Tulips"
}, {
"joke": "How do you organize an outer space party?",
"punchline": "You planet"
}, {
"joke": "What kind of shoes does a thief wear?",
"punchline": "Sneakers"
}, {
"joke": "What's the best time to go to the dentist?",
"punchline": "Tooth hurty."
}, {
"type": "knock-knock",
"joke": "Knock knock. \n Who's there? \n A broken pencil. \n A broken pencil who?",
"punchline": "Never mind. It's pointless."
}, {
"type": "knock-knock",
"joke": "Knock knock. \n Who's there? \n Cows go. \n Cows go who?",
"punchline": "No, cows go moo."
}, {
"type": "knock-knock",
"joke": "Knock knock. \n Who's there? \n Little old lady. \n Little old lady who?",
"punchline": "I didn't know you could yodel!"
}, {
"joke": "What's the best thing about a Boolean?",
"punchline": "Even if you're wrong, you're only off by a bit."
}, {
"joke": "What's the object-oriented way to become wealthy?",
"punchline": "Inheritance"
}, {
"joke": "Where do programmers like to hangout?",
"punchline": "The Foo Bar."
}, {
"joke": "Why did the programmer quit his job?",
"punchline": "Because he didn't get arrays."
}, {
"joke": "Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race?",
"punchline": "It ended in a tie."
}, {
"joke": "What do you call a laughing motorcycle?",
"punchline": "A Yamahahahaha."
}, {
"joke": "A termite walks into a bar and says...",
"punchline": "'Where is the bar tended?'"
}, {
"joke": "What does C.S. Lewis keep at the back of his wardrobe?",
"punchline": "Narnia business!"
}, {
"joke": "Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?",
"punchline": "Because Oct 31 == Dec 25"
}, {
"joke": "A SQL query walks into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks...",
"punchline": "'Can I join you?'"
}, {
"joke": "How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?",
"punchline": "None that's a hardware problem"
}, {
"joke": "If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program",
"punchline": "the rest of them will write Perl"
}, {
"joke": "['hip', 'hip']",
"punchline": "(hip hip array)"
}, {
"joke": "To understand what recursion is...",
"punchline": "You must first understand what recursion is"
}, {
"joke": "There are 10 types of people in this world...",
"punchline": "Those who understand binary and those who don't"
}, {
"joke": "What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?",
"punchline": "Put it on my bill"
}, {
"joke": "What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?",
"punchline": "It gets toad away"
}, {
"joke": "did you know the first French fries weren't cooked in France?",
"punchline": "they were cooked in Greece"
}, {
"joke": "Which song would an exception sing?",
"punchline": "Can't catch me - Avicii"
}, {
"type": "knock-knock",
"joke": "Knock knock. \n Who's there? \n Opportunity.",
"punchline": "That is impossible. Opportunity doesn't come knocking twice!"
}, {
"joke": "Why do Java programmers wear glasses?",
"punchline": "Because they don't C#"
}, {
"joke": "Why did the mushroom get invited to the party?",
"punchline": "Because he was a fungi."
}, {
"joke": "Why did the mushroom get invited to the party?",
"punchline": "Because he was a fungi."
}, {
"joke": "I'm reading a book about anti-gravity...",
"punchline": "It's impossible to put down"
}, {
"joke": "If you're American when you go into the bathroom, and American when you come out, what are you when you're in there?",
"punchline": "European"
}, {
"joke": "Want to hear a joke about a peice of paper?",
"punchline": "Never mind...it's tearable"
}, {
"joke": "I just watched a documentary about beavers.",
"punchline": "It was the best dam show I ever saw"
}, {
"joke": "If you see a robbery at an Apple Store...",
"punchline": "Does that make you an iWitness?"
}, {
"joke": "A ham sandwhich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says...",
"punchline": "I'm sorry, we don't serve food here"
}, {
"joke": "Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?",
"punchline": "Because he was a little horse"
}, {
"joke": "If you boil a clown...",
"punchline": "Do you get a laughing stock?"
}, {
"joke": "Finally realized why my plant sits around doing nothing all day...",
"punchline": "He loves his pot."
}, {
"joke": "Don't look at the eclipse through a colander.",
"punchline": "You'll strain your eyes."
}, {
"joke": "I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.",
"punchline": "I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!"
}, {
"joke": "Why do chicken coops only have two doors?",
"punchline": "Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans"
}, {
"joke": "What do you call a factory that sells passable products?",
"punchline": "A satisfactory"
}, {
"joke": "When a dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that's a popular cemetery?",
"punchline": "Yep, people are just dying to get in there"
}, {
"joke": "Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?",
"punchline": "He couldn't see himself doing it"
}, {
"joke": "How do you make holy water?",
"punchline": "You boil the hell out of it"
}, {
"joke": "I had a dream that I was a muffler last night.",
"punchline": "I woke up exhausted!"
}, {
"joke": "Why is peter pan always flying?",
"punchline": "Because he neverlands"
}, {
"joke": "How do you check if a webpage is HTML5?",
"punchline": "Try it out on Internet Explorer"
}, {
"joke": "What do you call a cow with no legs?",
"punchline": "Ground beef!"
}, {
"joke": "I dropped a pear in my car this morning.",
"punchline": "You should drop another one, then you would have a pair."
}, {
"joke": "Lady: How do I spread love in this cruel world?",
"punchline": "Random Dude: [...????]"
}, {
"joke": "A user interface is like a joke.",
"punchline": "If you have to explain it then it is not that good."
}, {
"type": "knock-knock",
"joke": "Knock knock. \n Who's there? \n Hatch. \n Hatch who?",
"punchline": "Bless you!"
}, {
"joke": "What do you call sad coffee?",
"punchline": "Despresso."
}, {
"joke": "Why did the butcher work extra hours at the shop?",
"punchline": "To make ends meat."
}, {
"joke": "Did you hear about the hungry clock?",
"punchline": "It went back four seconds."
}, {
"joke": "Well...",
"punchline": "That's a deep subject."
}, {
"joke": "Did You Hear The Story About The Cheese That Saved The World?",
"punchline": "It was legend dairy."
}, {
"joke": "Did You Watch The New Comic Book Movie?",
"punchline": "It was very graphic!"
}, {
"joke": "I Started A New Business Making Yachts In My Attic This Year...",
"punchline": "The sails are going through the roof."
}, {
"joke": "I Got Hit In the Head By A Soda Can, But It Didn't Hurt That Much...",
"punchline": "It was a soft drink."
}, {
"joke": "I Can't Tell If I Like This Blender...",
"punchline": "It keeps giving me mixed results."
}, {
"joke": "WI Couldn't Get A Reservation At The Library...",
"punchline": "They were fully booked."
}, {
"joke": "I was gonna tell you a joke about UDP...",
"punchline": "...but you might not get it."
}, {
"joke": "The punchline often arrives before the set-up.",
"punchline": "Do you know the problem with UDP jokes?"
}, {
"joke": "Why do C# and Java developers keep breaking their keyboards?",
"punchline": "Because they use a strongly typed language."
}, {
"joke": "What do you give to a lemon in need?",
"punchline": "Lemonaid."
}, {
"joke": "Never take advice from electrons.",
"punchline": "They are always negative."
}, {
"joke": "Hey, dad, did you get a haircut?",
"punchline": "No, I got them all cut."
}, {
"joke": "What time is it?",
"punchline": "I don't know... it keeps changing."
}, {
"joke": "A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, \"Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get for you?\"",
"punchline": "Pop,goes the weasel."
}, {
"joke": "Bad at golf?",
"punchline": "Join the club."
}, {
"joke": "Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?",
"punchline": "Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump."
}, {
"joke": "Can February march?",
"punchline": "No, but April may."
}, {
"joke": "Can I watch the TV?",
"punchline": "Yes, but don't turn it on."
}, {
"joke": "Dad, can you put my shoes on?",
"punchline": "I don't think they'll fit me."
}, {
"joke": "Did you hear about the bread factory burning down?",
"punchline": "They say the business is toast."
}, {
"joke": "Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change color?",
"punchline": "They had a reptile dysfunction."
}, {
"joke": "Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?",
"punchline": "There was nothing left but de Brie."
}, {
"joke": "Did you hear about the cow who jumped over the barbed wire fence?",
"punchline": "It was udder destruction."
}, {
"joke": "Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?",
"punchline": "They say he made a mint."
}, {
"joke": "Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?",
"punchline": "He's all right now."
}, {
"joke": "Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?",
"punchline": "It's ok, he woke up."
}, {
"joke": "Did you hear about the Mexican train killer?",
"punchline": "He had loco motives"
}, {
"joke": "Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon?",
"punchline": "The food is great, but there's just no atmosphere."
}, {
"joke": "Did you hear about the runner who was criticized?",
"punchline": "He just took it in stride"
}, {
"joke": "Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?",
"punchline": "He had a very esteemed colleague."
}, {
"joke": "Did you hear about the submarine industry?",
"punchline": "It really took a dive..."
}, {
"joke": "Did you hear that David lost his ID in prague?",
"punchline": "Now we just have to call him Dav."
}, {
"joke": "Did you hear that the police have a warrant out on a midget psychic ripping people off?",
"punchline": "It reads \"Small medium at large.\""
}, {
"joke": "Did you hear the joke about the wandering nun?",
"punchline": "She was a roman catholic."
}, {
"joke": "Did you hear the news?",
"punchline": "FedEx and UPS are merging. They're going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on."
}, {
"joke": "Did you hear the one about the guy with the broken hearing aid?",
"punchline": "Neither did he."
}, {
"joke": "Did you know crocodiles could grow up to 15 feet?",
"punchline": "But most just have 4."
}, {
"joke": "What do ghosts call their true love?",
"punchline": "Their ghoul-friend"
}, {
"joke": "Did you know that protons have mass?",
"punchline": "I didn't even know they were catholic."
}, {
"joke": "Did you know you should always take an extra pair of pants golfing?",
"punchline": "Just in case you get a hole in one."
}, {
"joke": "Do I enjoy making courthouse puns?",
"punchline": "Guilty"
}, {
"joke": "Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk?",
"punchline": "The stock market."
}, {
"joke": "Do you want a brief explanation of what an acorn is?",
"punchline": "In a nutshell, it's an oak tree."
}, {
"joke": "Ever wondered why bees hum?",
"punchline": "It's because they don't know the words."
}, {
"joke": "Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane?",
"punchline": "They mostly wrap."
}, {
"joke": "Have you heard of the band 1023MB?",
"punchline": "They haven't got a gig yet."
}, {
"joke": "Have you heard the rumor going around about butter?",
"punchline": "Never mind, I shouldn't spread it."
}, {
"joke": "How are false teeth like stars?",
"punchline": "They come out at night!"
}, {
"joke": "How can you tell a vampire has a cold?",
"punchline": "They start coffin."
}, {
"joke": "How come a man driving a train got struck by lightning?",
"punchline": "He was a good conductor."
}, {
"joke": "How come the stadium got hot after the game?",
"punchline": "Because all of the fans left."
}, {
"joke": "How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Christmas?",
"punchline": "He felt his presents."
}, {
"joke": "How did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth?",
"punchline": "He ate the pizza before it was cool."
}, {
"joke": "How do hens stay fit?",
"punchline": "They always egg-cercise!"
}, {
"joke": "How do locomotives know where they're going?",
"punchline": "Lots of training"
}, {
"joke": "How do the trees get on the internet?",
"punchline": "They log on."
}, {
"joke": "How do you find Will Smith in the snow?",
"punchline": " Look for fresh prints."
}, {
"joke": "How do you fix a broken pizza?",
"punchline": "With tomato paste."
}, {
"joke": "How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?",
"punchline": "You use a pumpkin patch."
}, {
"joke": "How do you get a baby alien to sleep?",
"punchline": " You rocket."
}, {
"joke": "How do you get two whales in a car?",
"punchline": "Start in England and drive West."
}, {
"joke": "How do you know if there's an elephant under your bed?",
"punchline": "Your head hits the ceiling!"
}, {
"joke": "How do you make a hankie dance?",
"punchline": "Put a little boogie in it."
}, {
"joke": "How do you make holy water?",
"punchline": "You boil the hell out of it."
}, {
"joke": "How do you organize a space party?",
"punchline": "You planet."
}, {
"joke": "How do you steal a coat?",
"punchline": "You jacket."
}, {
"joke": "How do you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator?",
"punchline": "You will see one later and one in a while."
}, {
"joke": "How does a dyslexic poet write?",
"punchline": "Inverse."
}, {
"joke": "How does a French skeleton say hello?",
"punchline": "Bone-jour."
}, {
"joke": "How does a penguin build it's house?",
"punchline": "Igloos it together."
}, {
"joke": "How does a scientist freshen their breath?",
"punchline": "With experi-mints!"
}, {
"joke": "How does the moon cut his hair?",
"punchline": "Eclipse it."
}, {
"joke": "How many apples grow on a tree?",
"punchline": "All of them!"
}, {
"joke": "How many bones are in the human hand?",
"punchline": "A handful of them."
}, {
"joke": "How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?",
"punchline": "Oh, it's a really obscure number. You've probably never heard of it."
}, {
"joke": "How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?",
"punchline": "Let's go ride bikes!"
}, {
"joke": "How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?",
"punchline": "1 or 2? 1... or 2?"
}, {
"joke": "How many seconds are in a year?",
"punchline": "12. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd.... etc"
}, {
"joke": "How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?",
"punchline": "A Brazilian"
}, {
"joke": "How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus?",
"punchline": "Ten-tickles!"
}, {
"joke": "How much does a hipster weigh?",
"punchline": "An instagram."
}, {
"joke": "How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?",
"punchline": "A little shaken."
}, {
"joke": "Is the pool safe for diving?",
"punchline": "It deep ends."
}, {
"joke": "Is there a hole in your shoe?",
"punchline": "Noโฆ Then how'd you get your foot in it?"
}, {
"joke": "What did the spaghetti say to the other spaghetti?",
"punchline": "Pasta la vista, baby!"
}, {
"joke": "What's 50 Cent's name in Zimbabwe?",
"punchline": "200 Dollars."
}, {
"joke": "Want to hear a chimney joke?",
"punchline": "Got stacks of em! First one's on the house"
}, {
"joke": "Want to hear a joke about construction?",
"punchline": "Nah, I'm still working on it."
}, {
"joke": "Want to hear my pizza joke?",
"punchline": "Never mind, it's too cheesy."
}, {
"joke": "What animal is always at a game of cricket?",
"punchline": "A bat."
}, {
"joke": "What are the strongest days of the week?",
"punchline": "Saturday and Sunday...the rest are weekdays."
}, {
"joke": "What biscuit does a short person like?",
"punchline": "Shortbread. "
}, {
"joke": "What cheese can never be yours?",
"punchline": "Nacho cheese."
}, {
"joke": "What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?",
"punchline": "A spelling bee."
}, {
"joke": "What did celery say when he broke up with his girlfriend?",
"punchline": "She wasn't right for me, so I really don't carrot all."
}, {
"joke": "What did Michael Jackson name his denim store?",
"punchline": "Billy Jeans!"
}, {
"joke": "What did one nut say as he chased another nut?",
"punchline": " I'm a cashew!"
}, {
"joke": "What did one plate say to the other plate?",
"punchline": "Dinner is on me!"
}, {
"joke": "What did one snowman say to the other snow man?",
"punchline": "Do you smell carrot?"
}, {
"joke": "What did one wall say to the other wall?",
"punchline": "I'll meet you at the corner!"
}, {
"joke": "What did Romans use to cut pizza before the rolling cutter was invented?",
"punchline": "Lil Caesars"
}, {
"joke": "What did the 0 say to the 8?",
"punchline": "Nice belt."
}, {
"joke": "What did the beaver say to the tree?",
"punchline": "It's been nice gnawing you."
}, {
"joke": "What did the big flower say to the littler flower?",
"punchline": "Hi, bud!"
}, {
"joke": "What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school?",
"punchline": "Bison."
}, {
"joke": "What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?",
"punchline": "Look, no hands!"
}, {
"joke": "What did the dog say to the two trees?",
"punchline": "Bark bark."
}, {
"joke": "What did the Dorito farmer say to the other Dorito farmer?",
"punchline": "Cool Ranch!"
}, {
"joke": "What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?",
"punchline": "Damn!"
}, {
"joke": "What did the grape do when he got stepped on?",
"punchline": "He let out a little wine."
}, {
"joke": "What did the judge say to the dentist?",
"punchline": "Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?"
}, {
"joke": "What did the late tomato say to the early tomato?",
"punchline": "I'll ketch up"
}, {
"joke": "What did the left eye say to the right eye?",
"punchline": "Between us, something smells!"
}, {
"joke": "What did the mountain climber name his son?",
"punchline": "Cliff."
}, {
"joke": "What did the ocean say to the beach?",
"punchline": "Thanks for all the sediment."
}, {
"joke": "What did the ocean say to the shore?",
"punchline": "Nothing, it just waved."
}, {
"joke": "Why don't you find hippopotamuses hiding in trees?",
"punchline": "They're really good at it."
}, {
"joke": "What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?",
"punchline": "Aye Matey!"
}, {
"joke": "What did the Red light say to the Green light?",
"punchline": "Don't look at me I'm changing!"
}, {
"joke": "What did the scarf say to the hat?",
"punchline": "You go on ahead, I am going to hang around a bit longer."
}, {
"joke": "What did the shy pebble wish for?",
"punchline": "That she was a little boulder."
}, {
"joke": "What did the traffic light say to the car as it passed?",
"punchline": "Don't look I'm changing!"
}, {
"joke": "What did the Zen Buddist say to the hotdog vendor?",
"punchline": "Make me one with everything."
}, {
"joke": "What do birds give out on Halloween?",
"punchline": "Tweets."
}, {
"joke": "What do I look like?",
"punchline": "A JOKE MACHINE!?"
}, {
"joke": "What do prisoners use to call each other?",
"punchline": "Cell phones."
}, {
"joke": "What do vegetarian zombies eat?",
"punchline": "Grrrrrainnnnnssss."
}, {
"joke": "What do you call a bear with no teeth?",
"punchline": "A gummy bear!"
}, {
"joke": "What do you call a bee that lives in America?",
"punchline": "A USB."
}, {
"joke": "What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?",
"punchline": "A stick."
}, {
"joke": "What do you call a careful wolf?",
"punchline": "Aware wolf."
}, {
"joke": "What do you call a cow on a trampoline?",
"punchline": "A milk shake!"
}, {
"joke": "What do you call a cow with no legs?",
"punchline": "Ground beef."
}, {
"joke": "What do you call a cow with two legs?",
"punchline": "Lean beef."
}, {
"joke": "What do you call a crowd of chess players bragging about their wins in a hotel lobby?",
"punchline": "Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
}, {
"joke": "What do you call a dad that has fallen through the ice?",
"punchline": "A Popsicle."
}, {
"joke": "What do you call a dictionary on drugs?",
"punchline": "High definition."
}, {
"joke": "what do you call a dog that can do magic tricks?",
"punchline": "a labracadabrador"
}, {
"joke": "What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?",
"punchline": "R2 detour."
}, {
"joke": "What do you call a duck that gets all A's?",
"punchline": "A wise quacker."
}, {
"joke": "What do you call a fake noodle?",
"punchline": "An impasta."
}, {
"joke": "What do you call a fashionable lawn statue with an excellent sense of rhythmn?",
"punchline": "A metro-gnome"
}, {
"joke": "What do you call a fat psychic?",
"punchline": "A four-chin teller."
}, {
"joke": "What do you call a fly without wings?",
"punchline": "A walk."
}, {
"joke": "What do you call a girl between two posts?",
"punchline": "Annette."
}, {
"joke": "What do you call a group of disorganized cats?",
"punchline": "A cat-tastrophe."
}, {
"joke": "What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments?",
"punchline": "An Orca-stra."
}, {
"joke": "What do you call a monkey in a mine field?",
"punchline": "A babooooom!"
}, {
"joke": "What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?",
"punchline": "Shakespeare."
}, {
"joke": "What do you call a pig that knows karate?",
"punchline": "A pork chop!"
}, {
"joke": "What do you call a pig with three eyes?",
"punchline": "Piiig"
}, {
"joke": "What do you call a pile of cats?",
"punchline": " A Meowtain."
}, {
"joke": "What do you call a sheep with no legs?",
"punchline": "A cloud."
}, {
"joke": "What do you call a troublesome Canadian high schooler?",
"punchline": "A poutine."
}, {
"joke": "What do you call an alligator in a vest?",
"punchline": "An in-vest-igator!"
}, {
"joke": "What do you call an Argentinian with a rubber toe?",
"punchline": "Roberto"
}, {
"joke": "What do you call an eagle who can play the piano?",
"punchline": "Talonted!"
}, {
"joke": "What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?",
"punchline": "An irrelephant."
}, {
"joke": "What do you call an old snowman?",
"punchline": "Water."
}, {
"joke": "What do you call cheese by itself?",
"punchline": "Provolone."
}, {
"joke": "What do you call corn that joins the army?",
"punchline": "Kernel."
}, {
"joke": "What do you call someone with no nose?",
"punchline": "Nobody knows."
}, {
"joke": "What do you call two barracuda fish?",
"punchline": " A Pairacuda!"
}, {
"joke": "What do you do on a remote island?",
"punchline": "Try and find the TV island it belongs to."
}, {
"joke": "What do you do when you see a space man?",
"punchline": "Park your car, man."
}, {
"joke": "What do you get hanging from Apple trees?",
"punchline": "Sore arms."
}, {
"joke": "What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?",
"punchline": "A bah-humbug."
}, {
"joke": "What do you get when you cross a chicken with a skunk?",
"punchline": "A fowl smell!"
}, {
"joke": "What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose?",
"punchline": "Hare spray."
}, {
"joke": "What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?",
"punchline": "Frostbite."
}, {
"joke": "What do you give a sick lemon?",
"punchline": "Lemonaid."
}, {
"joke": "What does a clock do when it's hungry?",
"punchline": "It goes back four seconds!"
}, {
"joke": "What does a female snake use for support?",
"punchline": "A co-Bra!"
}, {
"joke": "What does a pirate pay for his corn?",
"punchline": "A buccaneer!"
}, {
"joke": "What does an angry pepper do?",
"punchline": "It gets jalapeรฑo face."
}, {
"joke": "What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?",
"punchline": "It gets toad."
}, {
"joke": "What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?",
"punchline": "They will give you a piece of your mind."
}, {
"joke": "What has ears but cannot hear?",
"punchline": "A field of corn."
}, {
"joke": "What is a centipedes's favorite Beatle song?",
"punchline": " I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand..."
}, {
"joke": "What is a tornado's favorite game to play?",
"punchline": "Twister!"
}, {
"joke": "What is a vampire's favorite fruit?",
"punchline": "A blood orange."
}, {
"joke": "What is a witch's favorite subject in school?",
"punchline": "Spelling!"
}, {
"joke": "What is red and smells like blue paint?",
"punchline": "Red paint!"
}, {
"joke": "What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?",
"punchline": "I don't know and I don't care."
}, {
"joke": "What is the hardest part about sky diving?",
"punchline": "The ground."
}, {
"joke": "What is the leading cause of dry skin?",
"punchline": "Towels"
}, {
"joke": "What is the least spoken language in the world?",
"punchline": "Sign Language"
}, {
"joke": "What is the tallest building in the world?",
"punchline": "The library, it's got the most stories!"
}, {
"joke": "What is this movie about?",
"punchline": "It is about 2 hours long."
}, {
"joke": "What kind of award did the dentist receive?",
"punchline": "A little plaque."
}, {
"joke": "What kind of bagel can fly?",
"punchline": "A plain bagel."
}, {
"joke": "What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep?",
"punchline": "A stega-snore-us."
}, {
"joke": "What kind of dog lives in a particle accelerator?",
"punchline": "A Fermilabrador Retriever."
}, {
"joke": "What kind of magic do cows believe in?",
"punchline": "MOODOO."
}, {
"joke": "What kind of music do planets listen to?",
"punchline": "Nep-tunes."
}, {
"joke": "What kind of pants do ghosts wear?",
"punchline": "Boo jeans."
}, {
"joke": "What kind of tree fits in your hand?",
"punchline": "A palm tree!"
}, {
"joke": "What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?",
"punchline": "A nervous wreck."
}, {
"joke": "What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?",
"punchline": "A tuba toothpaste."
}, {
"joke": "What time did the man go to the dentist?",
"punchline": "Tooth hurt-y."
}, {
"joke": "What type of music do balloons hate?",
"punchline": "Pop music!"
}, {
"joke": "What was a more important invention than the first telephone?",
"punchline": "The second one."
}, {
"joke": "What was the pumpkin's favorite sport?",
"punchline": "Squash."
}, {
"joke": "What's black and white and read all over?",
"punchline": "The newspaper."
}, {
"joke": "What's blue and not very heavy?",
"punchline": " Light blue."
}, {
"joke": "What's brown and sticky?",
"punchline": "A stick."
}, {
"joke": "What's orange and sounds like a parrot?",
"punchline": "A Carrot."
}, {
"joke": "What's red and bad for your teeth?",
"punchline": "A Brick."
}, {
"joke": "What's the best thing about elevator jokes?",
"punchline": "They work on so many levels."
}, {
"joke": "What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?",
"punchline": "You can tune a guitar but you can't \"tuna\"fish!"
}, {
"joke": "What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?",
"punchline": "One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter."
}, {
"joke": "What's the difference between a seal and a sea lion?",
"punchline": "An ion! "
}, {
"joke": "What's the worst part about being a cross-eyed teacher?",
"punchline": "They can't control their pupils."
}, {
"joke": "What's the worst thing about ancient history class?",
"punchline": "The teachers tend to Babylon."
}, {
"joke": "What's brown and sounds like a bell?",
"punchline": "Dung!"
}, {
"joke": "What's E.T. short for?",
"punchline": "He's only got little legs."
}, {
"joke": "What's Forest Gump's Facebook password?",
"punchline": "1forest1"
}, {
"joke": "What's the advantage of living in Switzerland?",
"punchline": "Well, the flag is a big plus."
}, {
"joke": "What's the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant?",
"punchline": "About 5000 miles."
}, {
"joke": "When do doctors get angry?",
"punchline": "When they run out of patients."
}, {
"joke": "When does a joke become a dad joke?",
"punchline": "When it becomes apparent."
}, {
"joke": "When is a door not a door?",
"punchline": "When it's ajar."
}, {
"joke": "Where did you learn to make ice cream?",
"punchline": "Sunday school."
}, {
"joke": "Where do bees go to the bathroom?",
"punchline": " The BP station."
}, {
"joke": "Where do hamburgers go to dance?",
"punchline": "The meat-ball."
}, {
"joke": "Where do rabbits go after they get married?",
"punchline": "On a bunny-moon."
}, {
"joke": "Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?",
"punchline": "The baa-baa shop."
}, {
"joke": "Where do you learn to make banana splits?",
"punchline": "At sundae school."
}, {
"joke": "Where do young cows eat lunch?",
"punchline": "In the calf-ateria."
}, {
"joke": "Where does batman go to the bathroom?",
"punchline": "The batroom."
}, {
"joke": "Where does Fonzie like to go for lunch?",
"punchline": "Chick-Fil-Eyyyyyyyy."
}, {
"joke": "Where does Napoleon keep his armies?",
"punchline": "In his sleevies."
}, {
"joke": "Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?",
"punchline": "At the bottom! "
}, {
"joke": "Where's the bin?",
"punchline": "I haven't been anywhere!"
}, {
"joke": "Which side of the chicken has more feathers?",
"punchline": "The outside."
}, {
"joke": "Who did the wizard marry?",
"punchline": "His ghoul-friend"
}, {
"joke": "Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?",
"punchline": "The hip Doctor!"
}, {
"joke": "Why are fish easy to weigh?",
"punchline": "Because they have their own scales."
}, {
"joke": "Why are fish so smart?",
"punchline": "Because they live in schools!"
}, {
"joke": "Why are ghosts bad liars?",
"punchline": "Because you can see right through them!"
}, {
"joke": "Why are graveyards so noisy?",
"punchline": "Because of all the coffin."
}, {
"joke": "Why are mummys scared of vacation?",
"punchline": "They're afraid to unwind."
}, {
"joke": "Why are oranges the smartest fruit?",
"punchline": "Because they are made to concentrate. "
}, {
"joke": "Why are pirates called pirates?",
"punchline": "Because they arrr!"
}, {
"joke": "Why are skeletons so calm?",
"punchline": "Because nothing gets under their skin."
}, {
"joke": "Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?",
"punchline": "It's two-tired."
}, {
"joke": "Why can't you use \"Beef stew\"as a password?",
"punchline": "Because it's not stroganoff."
}, {
"joke": "Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?",
"punchline": "Because then it'd be a foot!"
}, {
"joke": "Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?",
"punchline": "The p is silent."
}, {
"joke": "Why couldn't the kid see the pirate movie?",
"punchline": "Because it was rated arrr!"
}, {
"joke": "Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie?",
"punchline": "He was too far out, man."
}, {
"joke": "Why did Dracula lie in the wrong coffin?",
"punchline": "He made a grave mistake."
}, {
"joke": "Why did Sweden start painting barcodes on the sides of their battleships?",
"punchline": "So they could Scandinavian."
}, {
"joke": "Why did the A go to the bathroom and come out as an E?",
"punchline": "Because he had a vowel movement."
}, {
"joke": "Why did the barber win the race?",
"punchline": "He took a short cut."
}, {
"joke": "Why did the belt go to prison?",
"punchline": "He held up a pair of pants!"
}, {
"joke": "Why did the burglar hang his mugshot on the wall?",
"punchline": "To prove that he was framed!"
}, {
"joke": "Why did the chicken get a penalty?",
"punchline": "For fowl play."
}, {
"joke": "Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?",
"punchline": "Because he was a little horse!"
}, {
"joke": "Why did the coffee file a police report?",
"punchline": "It got mugged."
}, {
"joke": "Why did the cookie cry?",
"punchline": "Because his mother was a wafer so long"
}, {
"joke": "Why did the cookie cry?",
"punchline": "It was feeling crumby."
}, {
"joke": "Why did the cowboy have a weiner dog?",
"punchline": "Somebody told him to get a long little doggy."
}, {
"joke": "Why did the fireman wear red, white, and blue suspenders?",
"punchline": "To hold his pants up."
}, {
"joke": "Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?",
"punchline": "To go with the traffic jam."
}, {
"joke": "Why did the half blind man fall in the well?",
"punchline": "Because he couldn't see that well!"
}, {
"joke": "Why did the house go to the doctor?",
"punchline": "It was having window panes."
}, {
"joke": "Why did the kid cross the playground?",
"punchline": "To get to the other slide."
}, {
"joke": "Why did the man put his money in the freezer?",
"punchline": "He wanted cold hard cash!"
}, {
"joke": "Why did the man run around his bed?",
"punchline": "Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!"
}, {
"joke": "Why did the melons plan a big wedding?",
"punchline": "Because they cantaloupe!"
}, {
"joke": "Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight?",
"punchline": "Because it was well armed."
}, {
"joke": "Why did the opera singer go sailing?",
"punchline": "They wanted to hit the high Cs."
}, {
"joke": "Why did the scarecrow win an award?",
"punchline": "Because he was outstanding in his field."
}, {
"joke": "Why did the tomato blush?",
"punchline": "Because it saw the salad dressing."
}, {
"joke": "Why did the tree go to the dentist?",
"punchline": "It needed a root canal."
}, {
"joke": "Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?",
"punchline": "Lack of concentration."
}, {
"joke": "Why didn't the number 4 get into the nightclub?",
"punchline": "Because he is 2 square."
}, {
"joke": "Why didn't the orange win the race?",
"punchline": "It ran out of juice."
}, {
"joke": "Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?",
"punchline": "Because he had no guts."
}, {
"joke": "Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?",
"punchline": "Because they might peel!"
}, {
"joke": "Why do bears have hairy coats?",
"punchline": "Fur protection."
}, {
"joke": "Why do bees have sticky hair?",
"punchline": "Because they use honey combs!"
}, {
"joke": "Why do bees hum?",
"punchline": "Because they don't know the words."
}, {
"joke": "Why do birds fly south for the winter?",
"punchline": "Because it's too far to walk."
}, {
"joke": "Why do choirs keep buckets handy?",
"punchline": "So they can carry their tune"
}, {
"joke": "Why do crabs never give to charity?",
"punchline": "Because they're shellfish."
}, {
"joke": "Why do ducks make great detectives?",
"punchline": "They always quack the case."
}, {
"joke": "Why do mathematicians hate the U.S.?",
"punchline": "Because it's indivisible."
}, {
"joke": "Why do pirates not know the alphabet?",
"punchline": "They always get stuck at \"C\"."
}, {
"joke": "Why do pumpkins sit on people's porches?",
"punchline": "They have no hands to knock on the door."
}, {
"joke": "Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water?",
"punchline": "Because if they fell forwards they'd still be in the boat."
}, {
"joke": "Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days?",
"punchline": "Dunno, they're just a bit shady."
}, {
"joke": "Why do valley girls hang out in odd numbered groups?",
"punchline": "Because they can't even."
}, {
"joke": "Why do wizards clean their teeth three times a day?",
"punchline": "To prevent bat breath!"
}, {
"joke": "Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?",
"punchline": "Because they're so good at it."
}, {
"joke": "Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?",
"punchline": "Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan."
}, {
"joke": "Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?",
"punchline": "Because it's a little meteor."
}, {
"joke": "Why does it take longer to get from 1st to 2nd base, than it does to get from 2nd to 3rd base?",
"punchline": "Because there's a Shortstop in between!"
}, {
"joke": "Why does Norway have barcodes on their battleships?",
"punchline": "So when they get back to port, they can Scandinavian."
}, {
"joke": "Why does Superman get invited to dinners?",
"punchline": "Because he is a Supperhero."
}, {
"joke": "Why does Waldo only wear stripes?",
"punchline": "Because he doesn't want to be spotted."
}, {
"joke": "Dad, can you put my shoes on?",
"punchline": " No, I don't think they'll fit me."
},
{
"joke": "Dad, did you get a haircut?",
"punchline": " No I got them all cut."
},
{
"joke": "Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip?",
"punchline": " I was heels over head."
},
{
"joke": "Did you hear about the circus fire?",
"punchline": " It was in tents!"
},
{
"joke": "Did you hear about the fire at the circus?",
"punchline": " IT WAS IN TENTS."
},
{
"joke": "Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?",
"punchline": " He's all right now."
},
{
"joke": "Did you hear about the Hyena who drank a pint of gravy?",
"punchline": " He was a laughing stock!"
},
{
"joke": "Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?",
"punchline": " It's fine, he woke up."
},
{
"joke": "Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon?",
"punchline": " The food is great, but there's just no atmosphere."
},
{
"joke": "Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided?",
"punchline": " Both crews were marooned."
},
{
"joke": "Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?",
"punchline": " Great food, no atmosphere."
},
{
"joke": "Did you hear that the police have a warrant out on a midget psychic ripping people off?",
"punchline": " It reads 'Small medium at large.'"
},
{
"joke": "Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France?",
"punchline": " They were cooked in grease."
},
{
"joke": "Did you see they made round bails of hay illegal in Wisconsin?",
"punchline": " It's because the cows weren't getting a square meal."
},
{
"joke": "Have you heard the one about the Corduroy pillow?",
"punchline": " It's making HEADLINES!"
},
{
"joke": "How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?",
"punchline": " He felt his presents!"
},
{
"joke": "How do you count cows?",
"punchline": " A 'Cow'culator."
},
{
"joke": "How do you find Will Smith in the snow?",
"punchline": " You look for the fresh prints."
},
{
"joke": "How do you fix a broken tuba?",
"punchline": " With a tuba glue!"
},
{
"joke": "How do you make a tissue dance?",
"punchline": " Put a little boogie in it!"
},
{
"joke": "How do you make toast in the jungle?",
"punchline": " Pop your bread under a g'rilla."
},
{
"joke": "How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?",
"punchline": " Put it in a microwave until its bill withers."
},
{
"joke": "How does a burglar get into your house?",
"punchline": " Intruder window."
},
{
"joke": "How does a lion like his meat?",
"punchline": " ROAR!"
},
{
"joke": "How does a penguin build it's house?",
"punchline": " Igloos it together."
},
{
"joke": "How does an octopus go to war?",
"punchline": " WELL-ARMED!"
},
{
"joke": "How does Hitler tie his shoes?",
"punchline": " with little Nazis!"
},
{
"joke": "How does the man in the moon cut his hair?",
"punchline": " ECLIPSE IT!"
},
{
"joke": "How many apples grow on a tree?",
"punchline": " All of them."
},
{
"joke": "How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?",
"punchline": " Ten-tickles."
},
{
"joke": "How much does a pirate pay for corn?",
"punchline": " A buccaneer!"
},
{
"joke": "Want to hear a joke about construction?",
"punchline": " I'm still working on it."
},
{
"joke": "Want to hear a joke about paper?",
"punchline": " Nevermind, it's tearable."
},
{
"joke": "What did 0 say to 8?",
"punchline": " Nice belt!"
},
{
"joke": "what did one hat say to another?",
"punchline": " You stay here, I'll go on a head!"
},
{
"joke": "What did one shark say to the other while eating a clownfish?",
"punchline": " This tastes funny."
},
{
"joke": "What did one snowman say to the other?",
"punchline": " Do you smell carrots?"
},
{
"joke": "What did the baby say to its mother after breastfeeding?",
"punchline": " Thanks for the mammaries!"
},
{
"joke": "What did the big bucket say to the little bucket?",
"punchline": " You look a little pail!"
},
{
"joke": "What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?",
"punchline": " Make me one with everything!"
},
{
"joke": "What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school?",
"punchline": " Bison."
},
{
"joke": "What did the cobbler say when a cat wandered into his shop?",
"punchline": " Shoe!"
},
{
"joke": "What did the elder chimney say to the younger chimney?",
"punchline": " You're too young to smoke!"
},
{
"joke": "What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?",
"punchline": " Dam."
},
{
"joke": "What did the ghost say to the bee?",
"punchline": " BOO-BEE!"
},
{
"joke": "What did the grape do when he got stepped on?",
"punchline": " He let out a little wine."
},
{
"joke": "What did the grape say after the elephant sat on it?",
"punchline": " Nothing, it just let out a little whine!"
},
{
"joke": "What did the green grape say to the purple grape?",
"punchline": " Breathe, you fool, breathe!"
},
{
"joke": "What did the monkey say when he caught his tail in the revolving door?",
"punchline": " It won't be long now."
},
{
"joke": "What did the mother Buffalo say when her boy left for college?",
"punchline": " BYE-SON!"
},
{
"joke": "What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?",
"punchline": " Aye matey."
},
{
"joke": "What did the policeman say to his tummy?",
"punchline": " I've got you under a vest!"
},
{
"joke": "What did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but saran wrap walked into his office?",
"punchline": " I can clearly see you're nuts!"
},
{
"joke": "What did the traffic light say to the car?",
"punchline": " Don't look, I'm changing."
},
{
"joke": "What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he lost his job?",
"punchline": " OH SNAP!"
},
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